


What if I fall?

by Lilibel



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anxiety, Crossword Puzzles, David is feeling vulnerable, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Feels, M/M, Mention of Bob, Mention of Moira, Mention of Roland Schitt, Mention of Twyla, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Patrick is being patient, Piano, Post-Season/Series 06, there will be an open mic night
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24312046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilibel/pseuds/Lilibel
Summary: “Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”David would rather stay on brand than risk being ridiculed. Been there, done that and the less other people in his life know about him the safer he feels. But there's Patrick, and Patrick makes him feel safe and brave.A post season 6 set of stories, where David tries to take down some walls and let other see him for what he knows he is.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 33
Kudos: 67





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the start of... something. Basically, throwing it out there so I don't chicken out of writing the rest. I have not written fanfiction in years, so this is me flexing my muscles again. Unbeta'ed, fresh from the oven of my brain. I may rewrite it as soon as tomorrow. But I'm following what I'm trying to write and sending these words to the ether.

The thing is; David knows things. He is good at remembering random bits and pieces of trivia or the complete encyclopedia of everything Mariah Carey. People know what to expect from him; to know the back catalog of US Weekly well enough to be a favorite team member at Cafe Tropical’s Trivia Nights. 

And David finds that funny, that they can grasp that he can remember the various plot-holes in the televised lives of the Kardashian but that they would not consider for a second that he may know about things beyond that framework. He pretends he does not mind. And he does not share with them, more out of habit than out of fear of being shamed or mocked by this new family of friends. Deep down, David knows they will not mock him. He also knows he is not there yet in his journey. That his shell is too fragile to be thrown into the world.

Sometimes it slips out during a science trivia question, because it had appeared on an article in that one issue of the New Scientist that he had flipped through once while waiting at the dentist - and the information goes out of his mouth before he can hold on to it. Happy accidents, he calls them. And hates himself for saying so. 

David knows Patrick is on to him, because Patrick always gives him a look, one of their many secret silent coded messages, the one that says he is not believing it for a second. David feign ignorance and they do not speak of it.

Because Patrick has seen David pick up a battered-looking copy of a play in a second-hand shop and flip through the pages. Patrick knows that David has learned all of Moira’s parts and the parts of her counterparts on stage. Patrick knows more about David than anyone in David’s life, but they do not talk about it. And David prefers it that way. 

Being brain-smart is not the brand people expect from him. Because other may know he loves a good Julia Stiles marathon, but they don’t know he can hold a TED talk on the evolution of American fashion based on Julia Stiles’ characters. It’s too out there for the brand he shares with the world. It has always been easier to hide all that inside his head and keep it there, away from the risk of ridicule. 

As their relationship deepened, David made silent confessions and Patrick never pushed. And David never went deeper that the visible part of his own iceberg. 

Because it is easier when people don’t know. Their ignorance is his bliss.

Still, he wants Patrick to know.


	2. but from the milk of human kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David likes words like he likes the tickle of champagne on his tongue. Plain American English tastes of Zhampagne but like everything in life, you get used to it after a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know how to make a gal feel welcome to a new fandom. thanks for reading :)  
> I hope you like this chapter. The soundtrack was 100% Celine Dion.
> 
> (I'm lilibel over on Tumblr)

One can not live in the same universe as Moira Rose and not have an extended vocabulary. Add to that the nannies from various South American countries and David has always had the perfect word for the perfect situation. He learned soon enough that not everyone was into sentences made up of various languages and so David rarely use his extensive knowledge of words with the world. There is so many times you can get bullied over vocable issues before stopping altogether. It did come in handy a couple of times with Alexis but by then she had started to pick on enough Arabic to get herself out of some situations. 

It takes months for him to accept that Patrick will not laugh and mock him at every turn. Somewhere in the winter of their first year, he chooses to let go of the idea he will be laughed at if he uses French or Japanese to describe a feeling or an object. Because by then Patrick has made it clear that he understands that some words are correct and others incorrect and trusts David to always use the correct word. David remembers having teared up, just a bit, when Patrick said that to him, earnestly and in a serious tone. He is still struggling to believe he is married to someone who trust him. Who does that?

On their sixth month wedding anniversary, Patrick gifts him the first volume of a dusty encyclopaedia and the tears are due to the dust, not to the fact that he loves it. He just loves it. The cracked leather, the yellowed pages, the smell. The object is beautiful and so is the knowledge inside. “This. This is correct.” he says to his beloved husband while trying to keep his dignity intact, because there is a pencilled dedication on the first page, with the date of the wedding day and he knows that Patrick gets this. This side of him. 

Six months later he is surprised to find the second volume waiting for him in the kitchen, next to a rose and a note. He had just come down for a 2am snack. Hours later, Patrick finds him sitting at the table, reading silently. David looks at the soft lines on the face of his husband of one year and after a deep breath, he starts to read out loud. That’s how they start their first anniversary; with mimosas and David reading to Patrick about the origins of the word beatitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definition of beatitude  
> 1a: a state of utmost bliss
> 
> First Known Use of beatitude  
> 15th century, in the meaning defined at sense 1a
> 
> History and Etymology for beatitude  
> borrowed from Latin beātitūdō, from beātus "happy, fortunate" + -tūdō, suffix of abstract nouns — more at BEATIFIC
> 
> https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/beatitude


	3. singing yesterday's songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe it was the sharp corners of the keys, or the crispness of the colors. maybe he sucks at this but it is something he enjoying sucking at. and maybe this time, he'll allow himself to own sharp and crisp colored keys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title taken from "Hold On" from Noah Reid

David learned to play the piano on his own. He watched people. His mother. Her accompagnateur when she did that Piaf inspired tour de chant when he was ten. He had been indulged to sit in the rehearsals. Never approached the instrument when someone was watching, though he is pretty sure Adelina did cop on. She always did. Then there had been Alexis music tutors, whom he may have blown or fucked, but he had always taken something out of the experience. 

For himself.  
How to touch the keys. How they wove sounds together. 

At Elton’s parties, there were always pianos, grandiose things with ivory white keys. And there were always pretty little things who were willing to impart their coke fuelled knowledge on to him, as long as he supplied the drugs. 

David has not idea how to read music. No none had ever taught him that. 

He had asked for lessons once or twice, but it turned into a joke when leaving his mouth because he could see how ridiculous he was being. His parents never saw the eagerness, or if they did, they had made the choice to ignore it and never brought the subject back to the table. Neither had David. But he knew how to listen to the sounds of life and make melodies appears out of thin air in the piano he kept in his head. Silly little things. He had them stored in his memories, and only played for himself, when he knew he was going to be alone, uninterrupted or when he visited a music shop in a country where he knew he would not bump into anyone, anyone, from his life.

One day, while alone in Elm Valley, he sees a sign for an auction and decides to take a look. The auction has already started and he stays at the back, enjoying the rumble of the voices and the pitch of the auctioneer. He buys the piano. 

It needs a tuning, a new coat of varnish, or two, and he has no idea where they are going to set it up. But it feels right. It’s for the house, he tells Patrick. Because you can’t have a house without a piano and he does not see how this has anything to do with his desire to have easy access. He only says the first part aloud and loves to see the smile blossoming on his husband's face. Maybe his smile tells him he is on to David’s secret. Maybe Patrick only sees a happy David and is responding in kind. 

The piano ends up in a guest bedroom. David makes clear it is for decoration. Mainly. Patrick does not play the piano and indulges David and his explanations. 

He gets caught in the act one afternoon. Patrick is not supposed to be home and the piano is not supposed to have been tuned. Yet both things happen to be true and by the time David catches up to the fact the love of his life has been listening to his musical musing, it's too late to act as if it’s a fluke.

He is about to say something when Patrick tells him to shut up and kisses him. It’s not a gentle kiss. It’s ferocious and urgent and for the first time in his life, David is not the one getting on his knees for a piano player. 


	4. flowering herb also known as...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick's POV - there are crosswords involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided with 6 stories total. Hopefully my headspace will be back to sort of normal and I'll have them down soon.

Patrick knows it’s only a matter of time before David blurts out something to Bob. And Bob will take it in his Bob way but then he is sitting next to Roland and all bets are off with him. And he is not really looking forward to seeing David retract into his shell or be sarcastic to hide his pain. Not when David has yet to admit that he is the one behind the crossword mystery.

Patrick enjoys a good crossword puzzle, but does not care enough to finish them. He’ll spend a few minutes here and there, but unlike his mother, he has never found joy in finishing a grid. He just likes to see if he can get a few clues, and then he moves on to the Sport and the Business pages. It’s only a few months ago, while putting away some of the papers next to the fireplace, that he discovered some grids were filled. The handwriting was not his and the lack of third party in their house pointed to a single individual. By now Patrick knows exactly the way to act and it is to ignore it and then make a gesture to show that he knows. 

Confronting David about this part of himself just means he will be found on the garden porch, shame-eating doughnuts for a couple of hours. And while Patrick has never been one to care what David puts in his mouth (especially if it means sugary kisses afterwards), he really does not like when it comes from a place of self harm.

“So Bob, how is the crosswords coming along?” he finds himself asking, as Twyla drops his coffee order on the counter. “Oh man” replies the older man, with his usual headshake ”I don’t know”. 

Patrick can see David is bursting at the seam and he can't help himself but give him a silent signal saying; ”Be diplomatic to the man”. Looking at the hand signals coming from his husband, he can see the message has been received to some degree and that David is currently going through various options in his head. He finally settles on one and blurts “Try switching the M for a Y. Should help” before taking his drink from the counter and going toward the door of the cafe.  
“But where?” is the reply coming from Bob as they are exiting. ”105D” shouts David while rolling his eyes, as if Bob really should know it.

Hours later, as Patrick opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of white, he just says “So crossword uhm?”.

”Oh shut up” is the only answers he gets as David brings the glasses to the kitchen counter. He sets them down, looks at his husband and finally voices out what he has kept inside him for hours now. 

”I mean, who puts marrow down when yarrow is the actual answer. Seriously, it’s in the clue. Devil’s nettle is yarrow. Not fucking marrow. And stop laughing at me!” he huffs without much anger behind his words, pointing his now filled glass to Patrick.

“I love you David. Down to the marrow.” Patrick replies before taking a sip. He can hear a ”Fuck you” whispered from the other side of the counter, but it may very well be his imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter allowed me to discover there are blog dedicated to solving crosswords.   
> the crossword referenced here is the NYT grid from the 23rd of December 2018  
> it was so tempting to find a grid with Gwen in it but I decided against it. Poor Bob.


End file.
